Saturday, March 25, 2006



For the most part, the break-up with the ex-boyfriend was foreseeable, and sort of manageable. However, somehow it took a really wrong turn and now I just can't stop crying. See... ex-boyfriend and I have a long and complicated history, and I've always thought that it was the timing that wrong, or other people got in the way, whatever. Come to find out during our break-up today that "there's just something missing", something he doesn't feel in his heart when he thinks of me. On paper, I should be perfect for him, I'm pretty and smart and funny and we get along. But the bottom line is, I don't inspire love. Just as I've always suspected, I really am unlovable. Because of ex-boyfriend, this guy who has known me and cared about me for 15 years, can't quite love me, then I know that nobody can.



Currently right in the middle of breaking up with ex boyfriend... again. Not the most fun day I've ever had. I need to be reminded to never date ever again. I feel like complete shit.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006



One of my co-workers has been considering quitting because she can not deal with the stress of the constant threat of bouncing paychecks. Yesterday was payday, and the place has been tense and unhappy all this morning, which is not the attitude that payday should bring, I think.
She's been calling employment agencies, and federal employment law offices, trying to figure out her options and my boss's responsibilities. She's stressed to the max and on the verge of tears. This decision, and it's ramifications are clearly weighing heavily on her.
She met with my boss, then left the office. He came in to see me, and shut the door. His take on her decision to leave all the accompanying drama: a shrug and "She's a high-maintenance broad, and I don't need those around."

I guess I'm a low-maintenance broad then. Good to know. Good to know.

Sunday, March 19, 2006



It hailed last night, in my neighborhood. That sort of thing isn't supposed to happen in L.A. In fact, several people at the birthday party I attended last night didn't even believe me that it did, but believe me, running across my yard to my garage getting pelted with little ice rocks, I was pretty goddamned certain it was hail.

Then I went to buy my friend a birthday cake. They didn't have any non-vegan ones at Whole Foods, and I was getting soaked through and freezing, so I just tried this local bakery that I'd never been to before. They had cakes, but only super fancy ones. I figured, screw it, I'll get get this over with, and bought a $40 cake. Expensive, but it was super pretty - it was called a berry blossom cake.

Of course, me being me, I in no way SECURED the cake in the car, figuring I was only going about 5 minutes away. About a block away from my friend's house, some asshole takes a left turn in front of me. He would have had just about enough time to clear that, but instead of just taking the left, he cranks the wheel into like some weird u-turn in the side street, and ends up RIGHT in fucking front of me. Of course, I have to slam my brakes, and turn to watch as the cake flies up in the air, flips over in flight, and lands face down on my car floor.

In short, I suck, basically. I also still haven't had the talk with ex boyfriend, and still talk to the boy from time to time, so any strides I may be attempting to make in my personal growth really aren't moving along as smoothly as I might hope.

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