Wednesday, June 21, 2006



I talked to the boy one time last week, and I felt fine about it, and I walked away from it, and was like totally okay. And then today, a full week later, it comes back and bites me in the ass, even though I haven't spoken to him since, haven't been trying to hang out with him or talk to him... he still has this way of making me feel like nothing. And as much as I try to be strong, it still knocks me completely off of my feet each and every time he does it. How the fuck does that even work?

How, when he's barely a part of my life at all, does he still have this power to completely overwhelm me with this like rage and sadness that pretty much nobody and nothing else can create in me?

It's like any contact with him, any thought of him at all, brings all the crazy back into my system. I feel like... completely electrified with upsetness and sadness and wanting to make someone feel bad like I do.

It's fucking amazing how, despite how little I've thought of him, how little I've talked to him or had to do with him in the last month, how much I don't even want him in my life any more, he still kind of fucking owns me.

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