Thursday, June 01, 2006



Watching the National Spelling Bee on television which, first of all, makes me a big nerd. What a stupid thing to watch on tv. But, also, really digs right in and takes hold of my masochistic side. Watching these poor little kids get paraded out, all stressed out and nervous and forced to perform. Some of the little things look like they are gonna start peeing in their pants. It's horrible. So, of course, I can't bring myself to turn it off.

Earlier today, Alex said I seem like I'm angry and resentful of people a lot, and that it can't be good for me. I guess that's probably true, but hearing it really bummed me out. I guess hearing things about yourself that aren't very pleasant spoken aloud has that effect on people a lot, though. Plus, ex-boyfriend made me sad, is it really so wrong that I'm revelling in his sadness just for a day? Besides, he's really resilient - way more than I am.
At least I'm not picking up the phone and saying, "Hey, heard you got dumped... was something missing in her heart when she was with you?... 'cause I hear that hurts like a BITCH", which is sort of what my instinct is.

I guess I'd rather think about the poor kids doing the spelling bee than think about that, though.

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