Monday, April 03, 2006



My grandmother died this morning. I knew I'd be sad when I got the call, but I just totally lost it in a way I didn't expect. I think knowing someone is dying feels truer as a concept than it does an actual concrete reality, until it actually happens. Of course, I'm also on the other side of the country, so I haven't really been seeing it with my own eyes.
I know my friends care about me, but they also are gearing up for their big exam next week, so really none of them has the time to take care of me, so I've got to do it for myself. I would have thought that it least one of them would have asked me to do something tonight, to spend some time, but it turns out not so much. I understand, but it's still a little tough.
My roommate, of course, is in a league all her own. I had texted her on the way home from work, telling her what happened. What I walked in the door, she told me she was sorry and that she understood how I was feeling, since she was having a bad day herself - the library didn't have ANY of the books she wanted this morning. I don't think she even gets why that is an insensitive thing to say.
I also texted ex boyfriend - what, I'm an idiot - and he texted back to say I should call if I needed anything or to talk. Then when I did, he never called back. And that was about three hours ago. My support system is falling through a little bit these days.

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