Saturday, February 04, 2006



So, here's the thing... I was talking to Alex about what has been going on with the boy, and he asked if this was it, then. I answered that since the boy wasn't about to come crawling back to me, all it was going to take was me staying strong and not calling, and that yes, it would be.
Which was apparently incorrect, since the boy just called and spent an hour and a half fighting, apologizing, making excuses and yelling at me for threatening to give up on our friendship. He simultaneously says he is sorry for hurting my feelings, and that I have no reason to have my feelings hurt, that he has done nothing to indicate that he doesn't want to be in my life, and that I'm asking him for slavish devotion. I mean, he sees that it as hopeless as I do, but when I try to cut the cord, that I need to cut, he gets really upset. At the same time, he is unwilling to offer to amend his behavior in any way.
I asked him why he has to make it so hard for me to give up, when it is clearly what I need to be doing. And he asked if I would rather I just say, "Great. Give up. Goodbye." He reminded me that a movie I want to see is coming out next weekend, and said, "see, I've been thinking about you."
It's just like, fuck, why does he have to confuse me? I don't know what to do. I really don't.
He told me he wants to have dinner sometime this week, and to go out next weekend. And, how much of that is just reaction to knowing he's at the brink? It's just so tough. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do.

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