Monday, January 09, 2006
I'm still doing well at not calling the boy, but my mind is at that dangerous point where rather than keeping focused on the task at hand, it keeps wandering to the topic to how he feels about my lack of attention, how rarely I'm calling. And the answer should be one of two things: either convincing myself that he really truly doesn't care, or that I don't care how it is having an effect on him, since that is not why I'm doing it. I'm doing it for me. But keeping on that path is very difficult. It is making my head hurt. And I have no good TV or netflix movies to distract me. This is very alarming. I hope I don't fuck up.