Monday, December 19, 2005

 

night

I was just about to go to bed, and I decided to check the boy's Myspace one more time before lights out. And there's a comment from her. The girl I met at the bar a few weeks ago, the one I knew he was interested in. And it isn't just a "hey. how are you" comment. It's one that displays some level of intimacy, of familiarity. Though I had every reason to assume that he was continuing to spend time with her, date her even, it still knocked me off of my feet. I just... I feel flushed with fever. Like I want to sob but it won't come out. He's really going to be with her, this girl he just met. He really likes her better than me. That is real.

I called him tonight, but he didn't answer. Maybe I'm almost glad now, because even if we had a cordial conversation, I'd almost certainly be beating myself up for it now.

I should have known from the other night, when he was so threatening to pull away. This is what happens when there is another girl in the picture. The moves should be familiar to me by now.

So, why do I feel so unprepared and destroyed, right?

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