Wednesday, December 07, 2005



I'm just too sad and high on painkillers (and seriously, I'm ready for my dentist to just pull all my teeth and be done with it) to do much of anything. I went for a walk, watched Lovely and Amazing (liked it, but not nearly so much as Walking and Talking) and then Veronica Mars. And I'm exhausted. I've just got nothing in me for anything or anyone right now.
My dear friend Danielle wrote me today, and said, "I still think that at this point he doesn't deserve you at all b/c you seem to have done everything but throw yourself at him and well...he clearly has blinders on and can't see what's in front of him. He's had YEARS to figure it out and hasn't. He may be 'brilliant' (also debatable) in some ways but so blatantly dim in matters pertaining to you. Frankly, I don't like it. Either he is well aware of your feelings and is keeping you close b/c he likes knowing someone is so into him or he is very very blind. Whichever way you read it, I don't think it makes him look terribly good. Sorry Heidi, I just hate that someone has this power over you when you haven't even been dating. You're too strong for it. I keep hoping the kick ass, likes to wear black, and listen to indie girl anger music Heidi is going to rebel against him and MAKE HIM want you for a change. I wonder what would happen?"
Was I ever kickass? Maybe I was for a minute? But I don't feel that way anymore, and don't really remember what it felt like then. Now I'm just tired. And sad sad sad all the time.

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