Saturday, November 26, 2005

 

white

I went out with the boy last night. We went to the movies, which was fun. Then we played pool, which was super fun. Then we went back to his house and drank beers. And I was teasing him about drugs, since there are all these jokes about how out of control he is, and these jokes about him doing drugs. And I was kidding him about how mad I would be if he ever did coke, and he told me he has. At least once. Recently.
I don't know. I lost my shit. He seemed to think I was overreacting, but I was just so shocked. I know he has been partying more lately, but I just think of him as too smart to do that stuff. I got really really upset about it, and we ended up talking about my being worried about him until 5 in the morning. He says he is glad I care, but that it really isn't a big deal, and if I worry about him, he'll have to worry about my worrying.
Then he got all passive aggressive and was like, "I guess you hate me now since I'm such a drug addict." I couldn't even cover. I just said that I love him a lot, and that I couldn't be okay if anything happened to him, and so I am worried now. I can't stop. He's so important to me. I can't stop being freaked. If anything happened to him, I would be crushed. So I'm sad and upset about the boy in a very different way than I usually am.

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