Wednesday, November 16, 2005



For some reason, I have a tremendous urge to smoke pot today. I don't even really like smoking pot that much, so I don't know where this desire came from. And I almost certainly won't actually do it. It's just a very strange feeling I have today. I kind of wonder if it is just the zombie-like state of uncaring that seems so attractive to me. I think I've spent the last several days with like every muscle in my body clenched up in embarrassment or upsetness or whatever. And I just want the world to not matter so much.
There's got to be a better way. Seems like most of my coping strategies are fairly self-destructive, though. That is just the way I'm built.

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