Monday, November 14, 2005



I talked to the boy I'm in love with tonight for a couple of hours. That helped take my mind off my humiliation for at least a few minutes at a time. I actually did tell him about what happened last night, which I didn't think I would. But the thing I forget with all my obsessing about being in love with him is that he's also one of my closest friends. And I needed that part of him tonight. He was pretty great, too. He teased me a little bit, but was mostly pretty cool and made jokes and told me stories to help keep me from completely beating myself up. For the most part.
Although, I should have seen this coming - he compared what I did last night to his comment about me taking advantage of him last month. He told me how embarrassed he was, but reminded me that I was totally cool about it and everything worked out fine. Which is... you know, probably pretty apt, if you compare HIS attitude toward that comment to mine last night. I may not want it to be so apt, because I would prefer that he said his thing out of deepseated lust for me that was boiling under the surface, but what are you going to do.
The less enjoyable part of the conversation is when we went through the laundry list of all the chicks who are into him. I don't know if it was because he was trying to distract me, or he thought it might cheer me up if he opened up to me a bit, but he told me all the details of which of the first year girls he is into and what happened Thursday night, and also mentioned some other girls who have been kind of digging on him lately. And I did a good job of listening and responding like a regular friend, rather than like a girl who wants to claw all their eyes out. I guess I feel like I have enough friendships that are either on the rocks or tenuous right now. I'm not going to mess things up with the boy. Even if that means I have to pretend like it doesn't hurt my heart when he talks about other girls.

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