Friday, November 25, 2005

 

sting

I really don't know what is wrong with me today. I think, even though nothing truly horrible has happened, my hope is dying again. Which makes this huge difference. It's not like I haven't been sad or crying over the boy in the last few months, but I think I've really had this underlying optimism that he was going to come around. And when you have that, the sad stuff doesn't feel so terrible. But now, it is like the sting is back - the kind of sadness that makes your whole chest ache.

I just need to let him cross my mind, and the tears start up again, and I feel like my heart is going to seize up and stop beating. These are not good days.

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