Monday, November 14, 2005



I fucked up tonight. A lot.
I drank all day with Alex. And I was really bombed, but I... I acted in an inappropriate manner with him. He's like such a great friend, and a good guy, and somehow my appreciation of him and my tremendous affection for him sort of drunkenly became my desire to get it on with him.
He tried to be nice about it, and I like totally begged to spend the night with him and humiliated myself. And at that point, it really wasn't about being horny or wanting to have sex with him, really. It's just, he's this good thing in my life, this person that I really count on, and I just wanted to feel as close to that as I could. Of course, the way I try to cling to the things that mean the most to me is, as per usual, an excellent way to wreck them.
Even though I was so drunk that walking took concentration, I drove home, just to get the fuck out of there. I cried the whole way home. I am a human timebomb.

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