Saturday, November 26, 2005



The boy finally called tonight. As I thought, he had not been doing so because he was upset at me. After his birthday party, I had written him an email asking him why he liked me least of everybody. It was a stupid, drunk thing to do. I just felt after I had taken him to the party, bought him a cake and lots of presents, that I ended up getting the cold shoulder from him while other people were treated with warmth and affection.
Talking to him today, we didn't really make much headway, because his only defense was basically that he thought it was all in my head. He says it really frustrates him that I feel that way, and he just doesn't know what he could change to make me feel better.
I don't know. I guess there is nothing to be done. It wasn't the smartest or most productive of the many stupid drunken emails I have sent him.
He did tell me one thing that was sort of funny, in a rip your heart out kind of way. We left the party early because he was so colossally wasted. I guess all of his cool kid friends, the ones who don't know me, thought we were leaving the party so that we could go get it on. That was the vibe we give, apparently.
He said he had to spend most of the day convincing them otherwise, and that it was really hard to do, since they were entirely convinced we must have gone home to fuck. He said, "Don't worry. I saved your reputation, even though it didn't do mine any favors." I just laughed weakly and said, "yeah, thanks." What else could I do?

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