Friday, October 14, 2005

 

sick

I don't feel good. I'm at work, though, since I refuse to waste a day off on a day that I don't feel good. Even though I know that is what sick days are for. I'd rather be miserable here, since I'd be miserable here anyway.
Last night, my roommate didn't come home at the usual time. I texted her to ask where she was (and I know that sounds crazy co-dependent, and my only excuse is that she would do the same to me) and she never answered. I heard from one of my friends that she went to bar in Westwood, but he was cagey about with whom she went.
Since I'm sick, I went to bed at about 9:30. Before I did, I sent her an email saying it was lame that she never wrote or called back, especially since she is out of town this weekend, and I won't see her until she gets back.
When I woke up this morning, I see that I received emails from both her and the boy I'm in love with at just about the same time last night. Which means they were probably out together.
I don't know it for sure, but it feels true to me. So, I'm kind of in a self-destructive rage now, even though it probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense for me to be upset. I want to tell him to "fuck off". I want to tell her I don't want to be friends anymore. And I know I should bite my tongue until the urge passes. But right now, it just seems like it would be such a relief.

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