Friday, October 07, 2005

 

second

So, I did call the boy. Couldn't help myself. And I tried to be as nonchalant as possible as I asked if we were going to see each other this weekend. He says he still doesn't know. He may or may not be going to a party tonight or a show tonight and a show tomorrow night, none of which I can come to, and he'll decide when he decides and either let me know or not know, depending on how he feels at the moment he decides to go or not go.

And it's after ten now, so I think it is a pretty good bet that tonight is entirely out at this point. But, that's not even the major issue. The thing is, a NO would be better than this. This "maybe... if everything else I might do falls through, then I'll call". And of course, he says, "go ahead and make other plans. don't wait for me." And OF COURSE, I wait for him. I mean, if I made other plans that I wasn't that jazzed about, and then he called, I'd be the one who got all upset and disappointed.

So instead, I shoot down all other people who want to hang out in hopes that he'll come around, only to be devastated if he doesn't. And then my friends can know they're second to him in my mind, just like I know I'm second to other people in his. It's a lovely little circle, that really keeps everyone at their happiest, I think.

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