Monday, October 17, 2005



I think the boy is embarrassed by what he said the other night. Or perhaps horrified. In any case, in no mood to joke about it. When I got his email of disbelief and apology that he said such a thing, I still didn't gracefully let it go. This can't be a surprise; I pretty much just don't do anything gracefully, and letting go is not my strong suit.
Instead, I emailed him again, telling him that there was no need to apologize, and that, in fact, I found him to be a complete delight the other night and think he should be that drunk all the time.
His response: the painful hangover he had the next day, he takes as a sign he should not get that drunk.
And I realize, it's not a mean email for him to send me, but it's just so humorless, and so completely against the notion of giving me another crack at drunken, impaired-judgement him. I guess I really let myself partially believe that deep down, his drunken self was expressing an unconscious desire of regular him. That was silly of me. Now I've got to shift back into everyday, there's no chance in hell mode.
I should be used to it by now, really. But the littlest taste of hope is really enough to mess a person up a lot, at least when the person is like me.
I'm pretty bummed out.

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