Monday, October 31, 2005

 

halloween

So, I'm not doing anything this Halloween. I went to Knott's Scary Farm last weekend, and saw a scary movie last night. Well... Saw 2, which was really more gruesome and grim than it was scary, but close enough. So, I guess that got my Halloween spirit out a bit early. Oh, and I went to the Day of the Dead at the Hollywood Cemetary, which was cool, too, though not a scary thing.
But usually, I love the scary spooky ooky parts of the holiday, if not the dressing up hassle and that other crap that comes along with it. I also love haunted houses and scary movies, all that stuff. It doesn't scare me at all, and as far as I could remember that's always the way I've been. I mean, I've always been frightened as hell just of like regular strangers coming up to talk to me. I don't even like to call and order pizza. But the stuff that's supposed to scare you, I've been thinking I always just was fond of that stuff, and never really afraid.
Then, I talked to my mom tonight, to ask how it went taking my nieces and nephew trick or treating. She mentioned something about when she used to take me trick-or-treating that I had totally forgotten, but now that I think about it, came back to me. She mentioned that whenever the grown-ups who were giving out candy were dressed in scary monster costumes or pulled a spooky trick on the kids, I would literally chuck my basket of candy at them and haul ass down the street. She'd have to pick up all the candy, put it back in the pail, and then find me, sobbing, down the block and calm me down before we resumed trick-or-treating. And now that she says it, I totally remember it, too, the mix of fear and shame that would lead me to leave all the evening's hard-earned candy behind in my desperate quest to confuse my attacker and get away from what scared me. Leave my mother and sister behind, too, for that matter. What a fraidy cat wimp.
I don't know when it changed, exactly, from being super afraid, to being a total afficionado of the stuff. I kind of almost wonder if I got into it, started watching every movie I could find and reading Fangoria magazine (no, I really did) so that I could conquer my fear and wouldn't have to toss my candy and run away anymore.

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