Monday, October 24, 2005

 

friend

So, I've been complaining about my roommate a lot lately. And I do feel kind of bad about it, but things have changed so much. I feel like she has become a thousand times more self-absorbed than she used to be. I don't feel very cared about by her at all.

And I was talking to one of her closest friends, one of OUR closest friends about it. I mean, the three of us, we used to be inseparable. I was going on, and complaining, and finally, I just said it, "I just don't trust her." And I expected him to disagree or best case scenario, neutrally empathize.

Instead he said, "I don't trust her either." And, while it is somewhat comforting that this isn't all in my head, it still feels like such a bombshell. I mean, she's been my closest friend here for years. And to some degree, I really think that's done now. There are things that matter to her, and I'm not one. Our friend has noticed it, too. It makes me sad. I used to be able to count on her. And now I can't. It's not me being paranoid or crazy. It's real. He has noticed all the same things that I have about her.

I kind of wish I was just crazy and paranoid.

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