Sunday, October 16, 2005



So, I went out with the boy I'm in love with tonight. We went to the drive-in, drank a bottle of whiskey, laughed at the terrible movies we saw. He got really wasted, and at the bar after the drive-in, he told me lots of stuff I really probably didn't need to know about his sex life, both in the past and his present opportunities. He says he is finally ready to have a new girlfriend, and that there are lots of girls who are interested. And I took it all okay. I really did. I was going to come home and be fine about the night we had together.

Then, on the way to the car to go home, he said, "I'm so drunk. You could take advantage of me really easily." And I didn't do anything, didn't say anything. And, I know that he was just drunk and kidding, but it's just like, if I had any balls at all, and was going to make an attempt and risk being shot down and just do it, that was probably the best chance I'll ever have, right? And I didn't do anything. I realize now that I'll probably never do anything. This is all just going on in my head, and it won't ever be anything other than that. That makes me sad. And now I'm trying to sleep, and instead all I'm doing is crying.

hang in there -- you're not the first that has ever felt like this. my thought are with you and i hope you will be okay, no matter what the outcome is with this boy.
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