Monday, October 31, 2005

 

brave

So, this weekend, I finally got up the nerve to talk to my roommate about how unhappy I've been. It was really hard. I spent the half-hour or so before pacing around the house, trying to screw up my courage to do it. Actually, I think the only reason I was able to go through with it may have been the fact that she caught me hovering midway between my room and her room, unable to either attack or retreat, and asked me what was going on.
I told her. I told her I don't know if we should live together anymore. I told her that I wouldn't exactly say we aren't friends anymore, but that I certainly don't think of us as being close. And maybe some people can just be roommates, but I didn't think I could do that, when she used to be my best friend. And to have her be right there, in front of me, all the time, seemed needlessly painful, and that it would be best to just part ways.

She disagreed, though she didn't yell at me, or get upset the way I was afraid she would. She said she still thinks of me as her best friend. And I don't believe that. Maybe it is convenient for her to think so, but I said when we don't really share anything anymore, and we don't really support each other, it is just not true.

I don't know. She wants to work it out. I don't know if we can. After a lot of talking, she admitted she doesn't know if we can either. We didn't really come to any more of a solution than that. I know I can't just let it drop, but we don't know what to do. It's all just a big question mark.

At least I told her how I've been feeling. That's something, even if it isn't an answer.

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