Tuesday, September 27, 2005



I'm having one of my rare moments of clarity type days, where I don't kid myself that it might work, or even torture myself worrying that it won't. On days like today, I just see what I usually work so hard to distract myself from with little clues and hints and games that he and I play together.

When I don't call him, he doesn't call me. When I don't email him, he doesn't email me. Even sometimes when I do call and email him, he doesn't respond. The simple truth is that he doesn't miss me when we are apart.

And that means so much. It makes all the rest of it so obvious. But I don't want to have to know. But, for whatever reason, today is a day when I do.

Don't worry, I'll probably be back to my delusional, depressed little self tomorrow. But I'm taking today off. I was productive in my work. I went out to dinner and to the movies with my friends. I had fun and barely thought of him at all. I guess maybe I was on vacation from myself. It doesn't last long.

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