Wednesday, August 24, 2005



The boy I'm in love with is really starting to know me a bit too well. It used to be when I was unreasonably upset, he'd just do anything he could to cheer me up, so I'd stop being mad at him. And maybe sometimes I'd tell him what had originally set me off. And sometimes I wouldn't. Most of the time, I'd just bask in the glow of his attention.
Now, though, if I try to be a little quiet or a little cold, to teach him a lesson for some real or imagined slight, he'll almost always knock me for a loop by identifying exactly what it is that set me off ("Is this because I wanted to meet at 9:30 instead of 9?" "Are you being a bitch because I waited a couple hours before I emailed you back?"). It's really disturbing. Because everyday, he realizes more and more not only how much of a basketcase I am, but the specific ways in which I am one. And I have to wonder if that is going to make getting him to fall in love with me a harder sell.
It's moments like these that leave me terrified that he's right when he says we're just friends. But, no, I'm more stubborn than he is. I know it.

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